Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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