When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
