I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
