I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
