Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
