If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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