cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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