he was CRYING into my vagina
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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