is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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