Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Vodka?
Forever.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
