Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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