Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
