Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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