At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
