I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
