If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
