i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
