I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
they need to just BURY HIM!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
