you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
