I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
