so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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