you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
