I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
