...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
