It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize