your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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