is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
