jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
