porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
