Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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