i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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