my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
