This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
