So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dicks are not precious.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
