i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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