Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
