i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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