can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize