dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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