She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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