On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
