I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize