Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
