Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
