hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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