I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The best revenge is premature balding
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
