I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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