I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
