Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
