if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
