i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
