Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
