thus making me awesome and them whores
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
