Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
