we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
