after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
