K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
