we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
