Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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