did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
