i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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