I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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