Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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