I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize