she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
