it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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