she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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