the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
