and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
