Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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