she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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