Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
