I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
