**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's no shave November. This is our time.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
