I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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