Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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