So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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