id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
