pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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