very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
