So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
